I admit I’ve been AWFUL at posting on our website, or updating any part of it at all. We’ve just had so much happening in the last couple years and it gets pretty overwhelming. I try to keep current snippets of our lives on our Facebook and Instagram pages but the website definitely has taken a back seat. I apologize.
Despite all the ups and downs, we’ve got some really exciting news that is quickly shaping the way all of our future adventures will unfold!
We have another little coconut on the way!
This time, a baby girl, and she will arrive sometime in June 💕 Her guess date is actually on Brig’s 3rd birthday – June 13 – so whenever she does decide to arrive, they will be almost exactly 3 years apart in age! She appears to be perfectly healthy and I can already feel her kicking away. We’re over the moon!
Just yesterday marked 21 weeks. More than half way! It’s taken a long time to shed some of the fear and allow myself to truly be excited. To let this feel real.
A good friend once posted of their similar experience and that post helped me when I needed it most, more than I ever thought it could. So I decided that I wanted to share our experience too, just in case it helps even one person, someday.
A year and a half after Brig was born we still were not able to get pregnant again. I was losing hope and began wondering if it would ever happen. I learned a lot about infertility during that time and I couldn’t help but hear that faint, terrifying sound of my biological clock ticking away even though I knew there was still plenty of time. I was 35. Eventually, that positive test did come along and I was even more elated than I was the first time!
I got to see baby during a dating ultrasound in the States and I immediately recognized that perfect little flicker of a heartbeat on the screen. I was diagnosed with a subchoronic hemorrhage (SCH), though the midwife reassured me it would most likely resolve itself eventually. It didn’t, and I’ll never know if it made any difference or not.
Nothing could’ve prepared me for what happened next. At 12 weeks, at the very end of the first trimester and just 3 days before my 36th birthday, we had a miscarriage. It was the middle of the night. I’ll spare the details here but I’m happy to talk about it privately if it might help anyone reading this. Talking to other women that had been though this before is what helped me when I needed it most.
I got to hold that tiny baby in my hand while my heart was simultaneously shattered into a million pieces and I had to figure out how to process the idea that I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I think deep down I knew something wasn’t right all along. I had felt amazing during the whole pregnancy. No morning sickness or loss of energy at all though I was definitely already showing a decent size baby bump as many second pregnancies do.
By that point we had shared the news of our pregnancy with family and close friends and it actually helped to talk about our loss when we then had to tell all those people we weren’t pregnant anymore. Somehow, life went on. We had endured so many losses and major life changes over the course of two years that everything was just a blur for me. A big hazy cloud. The only thing that kept me looking forward was our beautiful and amazing baby boy who was turning 2.
It took 6 months and a lot of prayers and hope but we finally got pregnant for the third time. Even though this time everything has felt different, it’s been hard to let my guard down and feel the joy I so want to feel. I absolutely loved being pregnant with Brig and I feel like that joy has been stolen from me this time. It’s taken almost half the pregnancy but I think it’s finally coming back. We are 21 weeks and although there’s always a chance of something going wrong, I finally feel like this is real. Our rainbow baby is on her way! 🌈 (For those of you that have never heard that term before, a rainbow baby is a child born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death, reminding us of the rainbow after the storm and bringing hope of what’s to come.)
I have been terribly nauseous all day everyday from 3-17 weeks and Brig has been such a good kid through it all. I’m still pretty low on energy but the nausea has passed and I finally able to function during the day and not feel miserable. My mom was just here for two weeks to visit Brig and that helped a lot. I’m just now getting some projects knocked off the list as my nesting kicks into high gear. Let the fun begin!!
Choosing a name
We’ve had a girl name picked out since before we knew Brig was a boy. His name didn’t get decided on until he was two days old 🙈. There’s always a chance I could change my mind, but for now we have decided to name her Waverly 💕
Do you have a similar story about pregnancy/infant/child loss or infertility? Willing to share? Please help me make it known just how common it is. I wish it wasn’t such a taboo topic. It really is unbelievable just how common it is.
I respect that everyone grieves and heals in their own way and it’s perfectly okay to keep it private too. But when we do decide to speak out and share our own story, I’ve personally witnessed how much it can help and how much peace it can bring to those of us going through something similar. We all have a story. We all go through the hard stuff, in different forms. That’s life. But sometimes it feels just a little easier when we are reminded that we’re not alone and there really is someone else that understands.